Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Wall street never had a chance with me

Many, many, many and oh did I say many years ago, I had an interview with a headhunter who was looking to "groom" investment bankers. Now, this was a surprise, since investment banking is not something you interview for- rather, investment banking, much like the Republican party, is something you have to be born into. The interview went well, except for one hitch: Nobody could tell me what investment banking actually is. See, there are banks. These are the places where you keep your money. Then there are investment houses, where you hope to put your money to work. (Your odds are better than at a casino. Sometimes.) But what the fuck is an investment bank or an investment banker? My feeble mind couldn't quite grasp it. All I knew was that I would be paid up the nose (and not in coke), work 130 hours a week, buy new undies because I wouldn't have the time to wash the old ones and make pie charts. Lots and lots of pie charts. In Excel. All day, every day. Monday through Saturday, sometimes Sunday. Oh, and because this was back when the U.S. was a capitalist country, I could be fired/laid off/shitcanned any second. Sounded like a great way to spend the flower of my youth, but sadly it fell through because recruiters generally have morals that resemble canine fecal matter.
But just think. If I played my cards right, I could be unemployed RIGHT NOW.

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