Sunday, October 28, 2007

Whoreship the Demon Slut

Halloween here is a weeklong affair of self-conscious debauchery as the underfed, adequately nourished and grotesquely gorging gather in various outfits- many involving cross-dressing to some extent (none as terrifyingly hilarious as the muscle-bound six foot tall ballerina) and dance till dawn. A fine time was had by all including your lustful male correspondent who resisted many temptations because he is too emotional for one night stands. (Why, oh why! he cries). Halloween btw is deemed a pagan holiday which was once celebrated by witches. According to this I too worship a false god and so felt right at home.

And did anyone notice that the list calls atheism a false religion? Just sayin'....

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The three flavors of social interaction

Guy1: "Good morning."
Guy2: "Huh."
Guy1: "Can I have a muffin?"
Guy2: "Where you from?"
Guy1: "Here."
Guy2: "Hehe. No you ain't, come on."

Guy3: "How are you today?"
Guy1: "Pretty good, thanks. Nice to meet you. What's your name?"
Guy3: "That's fantastic. I was wondering if you were interested in coming to church sometime."

Guy1: "Morning."
Gal1: "Morning! I was wondering if you would like to purchase this metal doohickey for a thousand dollars." (Insert gloriously fake smile.)
Guy1: "Wow that sounds sweet. What's you name?"
Gal1: "This metal doohickey comes with a plastic whatchamacallit for only 999.99." (No smile.)

Those three cover 99% of the conversations I have most days. A fourth variety is something like this:

Guy1: "Miss, I sent you an email an ice age ago about the project that everything is riding on. Did you have time to read it?"
Gal2: "Yeah it sounds totally fine. I can't promise that it's exactly fine but it seems fineish. Totally."

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Adventures in Democracy

I like to vote just because a) I'm tourettic and enjoy touching shiny buttons and b)it's the only thing to do here for less than five bucks. Before anyone seeks my endorsement, here are some hallowed names from my electoral past:

Bradley, Nader and all the guys yesterday who lost. I can spin this I am sure. Asiatown for the other guy. First thing first, I had to register to vote. This was no easy task. The school had set up a registration table which was where I got an eyeful of the Louisiana voter registration form- where the perennial question was what religion said voter is. It seemed way retro. Anyhoo, I filled it out and pretty much forgot about it.
Elections in Louisiana are complicated affairs. Instead of primaries, everyone runs at the same time and then, if nobody gets 50%+1 vote, the top two run again in November.
Well the first round was yesterday and so about a week ago I had a notion to check up on that registration form. Much to my nonsurprise, it lay dormant. Seeing as I listed my birthplace as Foreigntown, Not USA, they asked for proof of citizenship. So I shipped off a copy of my passport. And waited. And waited.

And, three days ago, finally fed up, I trotted down to the registar who of course had no idea who I was. No matter though as the repeating, repeating and repeating of my name worked wonders. And so the lovely day came and went with a spiffy blue sticker to show for it. And all for a good cause. Who won you ask? This guy came out on top.

Saturday, October 6, 2007


after a good swim its time for tailgating. No, I know nothing about football and no, I don't want to learn. They don't have to know tho.