A more complete accounting begins

Now that I am safely removed (physically anyway) from the beginnings of my Ph.D. education at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, I thought it would be prudent to describe it and the lawsuits emanating therefrom.

As I discussed before, I came to Louisiana because they posted a scholarship opportunity: four years of paid tuition and a stipend for earning a Ph.D. I applied and in that application explained to the then-department Chair, a thoroughly indolent Welshman, that I needed accommodations because of a documented learning disability.

Shortly thereafter, I was accepted and granted a scholarship. The first issue which arose is where I would stay. I was coming over from Hungary (with a brief stay-over in New York City) and being on uncertain financial footing and not knowing a soul there I expressed- repeatedly- that I will need housing. (Whether this is something that needs to be stressed or whether a reasonably intelligent person can gather that if coming from 2000 miles away, you may need housing, is something we can totally discuss.)

Now Louisiana being the south and having, shall we say,certain social customs (from the link: "Louisiana is the 10th most segregated state for African Americans, with 42.3% of Black students in extremely segregated schools (those with a 90-100% minority student body"), I was unsurprised when they paired me with Mitch, the only other New York Jew in the program. (Heather was suspiciously nasal but I think she was from the Midwest.) An extremely literal fellow, Mitch stated that I could stay "a couple of days" while looking for housing and going to classes.

Somewhere on day 4 or so, Mitch stated that he wanted me out of there because a couple means two and wouldn't you know I was past my expiration date. Now, prior to my arrival, Mitch had penned a magnanimous note to the entire faculty that he would accept me as his houseguest. Like many generous souls, Mitch found that pontificating about generosity was a lot easier than practicing it. He unceremoniously dumped me on campus one day, stating that he volunteered to let me stay but was now "unvolunteering."

Needless to say, this pleased me to no end. Already displeased by the fact that I just traveled 5000 miles over the course of the prior week, I wrote the following to the faculty:

"Dear All,

As a piggyback to this email- as you may know, I have been staying with Mitch who has volunteered for it while I try to find a place. However, this afternoon Mitch has informed me that he is "unvolunteering" and would want me to find a new place starting tomorrow (Friday). If any of you are in a position to grant this request, please shoot me an email or call _______. Please do so only if you are genuinely capable of and interested in helping me so as to avoid such situations in the future. I am, by sheer luck, well set funding wise so can certainly pay. A permanent place- one that can last a semester without any such last minute surprises- is much preferred. If you do not wish to assist please do not feel pressured to act otherwise.

Thanks bunches
_______

P.S: Do to a phone reception that can only be described in tragic terms, please do not be surprised if I do not pick up and just leave me a voicemail."

I did this for three reasons: first, being dumped on campus with much of my worldly possessions displeased me to no end. Second, if Mitch was going to get brownie points for being such a kind soul, he should earn them. And finally, as I noted before, it wasn't as if my arrival in Louisiana was a surprise. I did not simply land on their front steps like a lice-ridden urchin and plead for a warm cot and a ration of bread.

While not the most courteous writing of my life, it was miles better than my initial impulse which was along the lines of "fuck you you fucking assholes get me a fucking place to live right this instant motherfuckers!" This was especially so since, in dumping me on campus, Mitch explained that he was having personal issues and has no interest in my welfare. I should add that I offered to pay him so that his generosity would have earthly rewards.

Now, one might think that having accepted me and gotten money from the government to host me, the University would have some concerns for my welfare. Okay, that's a lie. America, becoming more sociopathic by the day, seems proud in its lack of concern for people. Jack Da, a professor mentioned here previously, nevertheless reached out to me.

"_____,
I am going to give you a bit of free advice. You don't arrive at a new
place and take advantage of someone's hospitality and then "dis" them to
everyone else in the program. I don't know you are from son, but it is
inappropriate.
______"

A couple of things there hoss: 1) I ain't your son. If I am, you owe child support big time. Call me Mr. _____. 2) A pretense of concern would've been nice. "Where are you staying?" "Do you have cooties?" "I know a park bench." That kind of thing. 3) I did not "take advantage" of Mitch any more than I took advantage of the pizza I paid for. Mitch, rather publicly, offered his services so that he could accrue brownie points. Having done so, he needed to buck up and do what he promised. 4) It's none of your fucking business where I'm from you degenerate Republican.

With much self restraint, I did not voice these thoughts. Nevertheless, the fun didn't stop there.

A man after the shriveled vessels of my rock hard heart

http://blog.simplejustice.us/2009/10/30/sentenced-to-the-bench.aspx?ref=rss


At the core of the legal system is a fiction. We all know it to be a fiction, but without it the system would be incapable of functioning, and so in the interest of maintaining a system to resolve disputes that doesn't involve swords or pistols at twenty paces, we accept the fiction as necessary and turn a blind eye to its existence. The fiction is that the players in the system representing the power of the Sovereign are inherently trustworthy.

From the police officer on the street, to the prosecutor in the well, to the judge on the bench, we accept their word because to do otherwise would be to have no starting point for a credible system of justice. We presume good faith. We presume integrity. We presume that they execute the functions of their office with integrity.

Why is this a fiction? Because they are all human beings, clothed in their respective official positions. They carry the same baggage that all other human beings carry, prejudice, misperception, ego, antagonism. Like all human beings, they are flawed. But to admit that we've put the system in the hands of flawed human beings is to concede that it is impossible to craft a system that has inherently integrity. Instead, we would admit to a system that is no better than the players upon which is relies, and we would be left with the system that could never be trusted to produce justice.

4 core values

The four core values are laziness, greed, fear and ego. Lets take them by turn.

Laziness- "I don't wanna" is the rallying cry of the world. Be it niewazdnie in Poland, unom in Hungary, whaaaat throughout the English speaking world, it's our unifying core value. There is no stronger force out there. Eons go by as everyone waits for someone else to do something.

Greed- "Me wantee" they say, usually about 10 minutes before or after "don't wannaa". Everyone in life sees an opportunity in you. Whether its a job, a dinner, a fuck, a reference letter, a present- everyone is looking to get something. In fact, greed is the only force in the world that has any chance of competing with laziness.

Fear- Ahh the adreline rush. Its like the flipside of greed but much more short term and much less effective/motivating. Its fun to what tho when folks run around like chickens without heads but counterproductive. Usually, fear is the flipside to arrogance with is part of...

Ego- The New Testament may have said that the meek shall inherit the Earth but your pastor/preacher still wears $5,000 suits and drives a Mercedes while telling you that only sinners fail to tithe. 'Nuff said. No? More? OK. Greed (see above) comes from entitlement and no nation on earth is more entitled than the one I live in which has spawned an entire culture around "you're worth it." Youtube, Loreal, facebook, therapists, dates, meetups, etc are all based around the fact that with next to no effort you too are the best even if you're not. The rest of the world is catching on and this idea is spreading like a virus- it is not uncommon for Eastern Euro women to take voice lessons to sound like a movie star: because, see, if you sound sorta like a star, you actually are one!

"Women want you to be mean to them"

Sounds counter intuitive right? Men are raised, or should be raised, to respect women. But, as many a single man has discovered over the years, respect doesn't get you very far. So the above advice, from a divorced lawyer in southwestern Louisiana is pretty spot on and experience backs it up.

Now lets be clear: I am not saying that you should get drunk, beat your wife and cheat on her and then beat the woman you cheat on your wife with, although that certainly seems to work for many men. Take my beloved state senator, an ex cop who is presently on trial for grinding shards of glass into his girlfriend's face. The girl got on the stand and did her best to take the blame. Why? The prestige of being senator so and so's main squeeze? The security provided by a hefty salary? The idea that she can hold this over his head forever? Pick all three and then some. From that perspective, being with a decent guy who doesn't cheat or steal or beat you doesn't pay. And as a young lady once explained to me, in a fit of frustration that the monetary and ego-related rewards of our relationship were unsatisfactory: "I am invested in this relationship." Plus, a few stitches is worth it for someone who thinks "I got senator such and such by the balls for-ever!"

Sure to a normal person all this sounds repellent, sociopathic, wrong wrong wrong. But look around you: see any normal people?

Didn't think so.

A few tips from Asiatown

1) You are paranoid and they are after you: Ages ago, I was in a minor car accident in Arkansas. No big deal right? I get his insurance, he gets mine, we part ways, right? Uhhhh no. His first words are, after exchanging insurance info "Now that I think about it, my neck is really hurting." For more recent examples, take a peek at the stuff about Sylvie Ditman A/K/A Patty Patchrint and the Grant Foundation Center.

2) Take a tip from Mae West: "I never listen to what men say anymore. I just watch what they do." She was right and the same goes for women. Do you have any idea how many people made promises to me in my life? Do you know how few kept them?

3) Ambition is considered threatening, not inspiring. The goal of most people is to have a place to live, a car to drive, someone to have sex with, a tv to watch, cheetos to eat and a check from the government. Pulling themselves together and bettering themselves is hard, risky work. Watching you do it just pisses them off. This is true whether they live in a trailer in Utah or a penthouse on the Upper East Side. Most will reflexively try to undermine you every step of the way.

3a) People love comfort. Even if comfort is living in an outhouse. The worst thing you can do is disturb their comfort.

4) "Tell someone to go to hell in a way that makes them want to drop dead right there." I heard that on the Emmys and its true. Damned tough to do though.

5) Loyalty is dead. My godfather worked for almost fifty years: he had a total of two employers. I have been working for about sixteen years. I have had at least 200 employers, including freelance work/clients. Everyone is looking to get over on someone else. This goes beyond work. You can have a new BFF (best friends forever!) every three seconds, a new spouse every three months. Not long ago, a woman in Westchester, an attorney at a Manhattan firm, had the bright idea of hey, my kids are fighting in the car, so why not pull over and kick them out right there on the highway? Tom DeLay once adopted a kid- and then gave the kid back to the orphanage. Newt Gingrich ditched his first wife while she was ill with cancer. Get the picture?

6) Shame is also dead. Recently, I was in court. The lady testified that she and I never emailed each other. I promptly had her read the emails we exchanged into the record. She did. Then she repeated that we never emailed each other.

Now the hard part is not learning these tips, its putting them into practice.

Another update on the grant foundation center and Sylvie Ditman

Sylvie is most likely the alias of a lass named Patty Patchrint. She and her boyfriend (the lad who called and threatened to kill me) run the Grant Foundation Center, pitching themselves to government agencies as trainers. The two live in L.A., not far from the Hacienda Heights hangout of Suvadepa (spelling?) Patchrint, who at 58 is probably Patty's proud pappa.

They then hire a schmuck (that could be you!) a week ahead of time and throw him/her/it into the classroom. Mass student dissatisfaction ensues over matters like lacking coursebooks. Its all very South Korea-i. By the time the students vented on the aforementioned schmuck, Patty and her loverboy are off to the next town. The grant foundation center used to be called the ICI- institute on communications something something.

They either pitch themselves to government agencies as people who know all about getting stimulus moolah: or at least they say they pitch themselves to government agencies. Its possible that no government body has ever heard of them.

A few more words about the grant foundation center and sylvie ditman

I won a default judgment against them in small claims court here in nyc. Three default judgements would mean the ability to sue again, this time for triple damages. Just sayin'.

If you want to get in touch, make a paypal contribution. It can be a nominal amount: the sum is not the point- the point is to leave behind an email address that only I can see.

Thoughts?

teaching is totally hardcore

So you think of teachers, you think "old lady in a sweater singing about cows." But hopefully this blog has taught you, my faithful reader(s?) better than that! Remember how incredibly useful the Korean mob was for enforcing my contract in Ansan? America is a slightly more evolved place of course: here, we sue.

Yes, I find myself being a litigious soul. Not just down south (hearing 8/31) but in nyc as well. Especially since that time that the grant foundation center (1 800 343 9073) and a lass who called herself Sylvie Ditman decided to hire me for a course, and then not pay me. Sylvie, whose # is available on request, rather prudently blocks my caller ID now, which is strange since she was the one who claimed that the check has been mailed. Of course, I did go through that phase where I simply redialed her # hours on end, back when she was going through the phase of ignoring my calls.

After making the rounds and reporting them to everyone under the sun, I could see my efforts bear fruit when, on August 5 2009, I received a phone call from (213) 804 3626, a Los Angeles phone number, at 6:34 PM EST on August 5 2009. Now, LA is also, by coincidence, Ms. Ditman's hometown. Just sayin'....

The called was a male, with no trace of an accent or any
other ethnic markers. His voice was distorted, possibly with a voice synthesizer. He said "next threat you make you gonna die." I took this to the NYPD's 115th precinct,
who said he would have to call three times in order for this to be called a criminal act. Pressed harder on the issue, NY's finest asked me "is your phone number really important to you?"

Coming this fall, I am slated to probe the minds of infants with the help of EEG's. Perhaps lab ratting will be a less arduous endeavor.

Worrying for the first time

You know that saying from Machiavelli that if you shoot the king, you better kill the king? Well for the first time in a year I am wondering if I can kill the king.

So as my Malaysian, Budapestian and Parisian friends can attest, nothing ever really goes away

I have said before that living in NY cramps my blogging style even if I may live in the most intimate/isolated place on earth, where people see each other every day and still leave you be. [A funny combo by the way.] That does not mean that nothing is happening. I am on summer break before starting CUNY where my GPA bounced back to 3.7 after being down in the 2.5 range in Louisiana. Funny that. Speaking of which, the hearing with the lovely Ms. L and her fetching attorney/pet whale went well- for me. I quite enjoyed hearing Ms. L's dulcet tones as she affirmed, under oath, that we never emailed each other and than have her read those emails into the record. The pet whale did not enjoy the proceedings quite as much, likely because that was the first time she truly grasped what an outstanding clusterfuck was coming her way. She gave it a try, mumbling that I must have made those emails up from scratch, a good argument that would have been better if she hadn't been the one to forward me some of those emails in the first place.

Email is awesome. Email is terrible. Emails never really go away. When Obama wanted to fill his White House with hopeful folks he asked all of them to give a list of any bulleting board/internet chat/message board comments they ever posted. Has he gone mad? What if Eric Holder got wasted on seventy proof liquor and posted on hunkylawyers.orgy that he was looking for an albino benefactor with a seven foot long schlong?

Of course that's how men are: entirely visual. That doesn't mean that men just want boobs tho. I have known many women with big boobs who weren't worth a bucket of warm spit. We just want to get a handle on who we're dealing with. But going back to email (hey its an Asiatown blog: if you can't deal with discussing boobs, spit, psychology and email in one sentence you really should leave), it sticks around somewhere out there, for ever. Just like blogs. So when I logged onto this thing for the first time in forever and a day, I noticed that people from Asia and Europe were still checking out my old blog at http://asiatown77.blogspot.com

And so you should. It's masterful if I may say so. Plus it will keep you occupied as I, asiatown the non reintegrated one, sits back and watches rats tear each other apart over the possibility, albeit a remote one, of maybe getting cheese outside of a cage again sometime.

No, but really

So a quick work/life/etc update for the millions who want to know. (More like jillions I am sure.)

Stocks: pretty good actually

School: scored an A for the fall term. Funny how I had As before and after Louisiana...

Suit: After a prof told me that JackDa didn't like my schnoz I filed some papers asking for all their emails- including ones which I saved on my server. Funny how they told the court that the emails don't exist when i saved them. Court date at the end of the month. Should be fun. ("Mrs. L, you wrote that no emails exist between us. Would you please look at these 18 emails?")

Work: What the hell is that? No in seriousness, I am doing some editing stuff and co wrote some linguistics stuff for a prof here in NY.

Passover: excellent. Got home at 3 aM stuffed with some delicious apple thingies. (I am quite Kosher nu?)

Travels: The University of Iowa accepted the paper I wrote for JackDa as a poster (all failing papers get that treatment ya know) and paid for my flight so I'll be in Iowa City for three days, starting Thursday. Never been to Iowa City and I think its time.

I can feel it coming on

It started yesterday. I was talking on the phone with a reporter down in Louisiana (yes, that's still going on) when he mentioned that he'll definitely be in touch once he is done covering the latest news down there which was a) a gang rape and b) a mother who sold her kid for $175 and a parakeet. I think it was the parakeet part that got to me. Then I was emailing with someone and the talk turned to family which naturally made me think of how my cousins and their dad got together to steal from my grandmother's bank account while she was dying. (my aunt, rest in peace, had phenomenally shitty taste in men.)

And today being a generally dark, windy, cold, shitty day just made things worse. It is the urge to crawl into bed, turn out the lights, and finish of a quart of Jack Daniels. This is why I never drink.

A couple of reasons why I don't update much anymore

I started this blog in 2005 inside a charmingly decrepit apartment building in Seoul, South Korea, a country which didn't know much about me except that they loathed and needed me at the same time- possibly the worst combination ever- and wanted me to stay but also wanted me gone.

Being a snarky, detached, prickish sort was dead easy under those circumstances. I could blog about the most mundane, like going to the samsung store and it would still be a fascinating experience. Plus I could write "my boss is a big hairy cockroach" with impunity.

This is no longer quite the case. Since I decided to put Jack Da though the ringer I must control myself. Additionally, going to Radio Shack here in Queens does not have the same zing as it did in East Asia for a number of reasons- and the fact that American consumer service consists of people who don't very much wish to speak to you unless you're waving fistfuls of cash is just one of those reasons.

Additionally, being in my sort of home country I find that people actually know me here. While its easy to say that you're a rebel and don't give a damn about what anyone says, we all know that there is a huge gap between what we say and what we really feel and how we really act.

So whatever shall become of my quasi reintegration? I'll have the answer shortly.
Unless I wont.

Proud Hillary supporters

Last night's debate

So who won? It doesn't matter. McCain won just by showing up and Obama won since people have spent six months talking about how he is an incompetent punk so all he had to do was not hurl his feces at the moderator and he would be fine. So they both won. Ain't that nice?

Wall street never had a chance with me

Many, many, many and oh did I say many years ago, I had an interview with a headhunter who was looking to "groom" investment bankers. Now, this was a surprise, since investment banking is not something you interview for- rather, investment banking, much like the Republican party, is something you have to be born into. The interview went well, except for one hitch: Nobody could tell me what investment banking actually is. See, there are banks. These are the places where you keep your money. Then there are investment houses, where you hope to put your money to work. (Your odds are better than at a casino. Sometimes.) But what the fuck is an investment bank or an investment banker? My feeble mind couldn't quite grasp it. All I knew was that I would be paid up the nose (and not in coke), work 130 hours a week, buy new undies because I wouldn't have the time to wash the old ones and make pie charts. Lots and lots of pie charts. In Excel. All day, every day. Monday through Saturday, sometimes Sunday. Oh, and because this was back when the U.S. was a capitalist country, I could be fired/laid off/shitcanned any second. Sounded like a great way to spend the flower of my youth, but sadly it fell through because recruiters generally have morals that resemble canine fecal matter.
But just think. If I played my cards right, I could be unemployed RIGHT NOW.

Why Democrats never win anything

Because they don't have the imagery (two guys drinking coffee in anytown, USA) and don't have the ability to demagogue so effortlessly. "Boulder Liberal" is a great catchphrase. Vapid but great. (Sure it writes off 1/3rd of the state but meh...)

What's the reward for winning a pie eating contest?

More pie.
What's the reward for a great audition? A callback.
On another note, more confirmation that the religious can be as scuzzy as the rest of us: no, insulting me won't make me more likely to wire you 40 grand for a property I have never seen before.

Awesomenitude

Back in my Harlem days, my stoop sitting neighbor Edward encouraged me to 1) be an actor/stand up comic in L.A. and 2) give up on relationships and go for hookers instead. 1) is a modified success right now because I just wrapped up an audition for Birthright Israel's monologues project here in NY. It went well, or so I thought. As for 2).....lemme snooze on that one.

Super duper busy

I'm stating at the City U of NY on Tuesday as a "non matriculating" Ph.D. student. The idea is that if I wow them, I'll get admitted in the spring, hopefully under a research grant. I also put together a website for a friend, and spent my spare time pounding the pavements of NYC. If nothing else, being here does wonders for my social life.